Even though the situation one finds themselves in is assigned by the Lord and his calling on them, some people are free to change their situation. Slaves are able to gain their freedom (7:21) and the unmarried are allowed to marry (7:9,28). Paul's point is to not let your situation in life trouble you, that it does not matter and not to put vast amounts of energy into changing your situation. In light of the coming kingdom of God it just does not matter much (7:29-31). What matters is following the commands of God (19).
The idea of God's calling is primarily of the call of the gospel and then the Lord's assignment of people to their situation in life, particularly their marital situation. Whether you want to be or not God has called you to a particular pattern of life and in the grand scheme of things it just does not matter which one that is. It also does not matter if you change if you are free to do so.
The other piece of language Paul uses is that of giftedness. In verse 7 he says. "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.". Is this gift singleness itself or being content in being single without the desire to marry? On Sunday I suggested it was the latter, that is the gift is the gift of being single and not desiring to marry (for any reason).
I take it that when Paul describes himself he is not thinking that he is like those in 9 who are single and burn with passion, but is 'happily' single. "8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
What it means is that there are people who have been called by God to the single life but are not gifted with the gift of singleness. Paul's instruction would be: get married as soon as you can, don't worry about it too much and use your current state of singleness for undivided devotion to the Lord.
Can you be married and not have the gift of marriage?
We have a problem using the language of gifts. Every good thing from God can be described as a gift (James 1:17). Marriage itself can be called a gift, your spouse is a gift, the power to live the married life in love and forgiveness is a gift. However, in this passage the state of marriage nor the ability to live in a marriage relationship are described as gifts. There is no mention of a supernatural empowering that enables some married people to remain married while others don't have this ability. I take it that all married people have been given the resources in the gospel to lead a married life. Passages like Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 are directed to all married Christian people irrespective of how long they have been Christians or their own personal psychology etc. Whereas the desire to marry for a single person is something to be honoured and recognised and has a valid expression of changing your situation in life, the desire of a married person to divorce is an indication that the couple need significant help.
What if you don't want to marry but aren't happy being single?
I might have expressed this poorly last night but Paul is really dealing with those who are content in being single and those who are single and would like to marry. There could be a another group who don't want to marry but who aren't happy in being single. My first thing to ask is, "what is it about being single that is causing you to be unhappy." I suppose there could be a million reasons that don't produce the desire for marriage: cheaper accommodation per person in hotels, easily sharing a car, having someone handy who can change the light-globes, someone who can share the driving etc, etc. I think life is just full of things that are hard and for which there is no straight forward solution. Paul was content in his singleness in as much as he had no strong desire to marry. I suppose that did not make him like everything about his life (2 Cor 12:7).
Any more thoughts or questions?
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